Words For Her

I want to love you every morning, every night, and every moment in between.  I want to love every inch of your body from your head to your feet.  I can’t deny the way I feel. I was afraid of it. Afraid of feeling like this about someone. Not knowing what the future of us is makes me un-easy. Will we last forever or just a few brief encounters? I beat myself up every day emotionally thinking about this situation we could be putting ourselves in. It doesn’t do me any good making myself lovesick over you. You’re not here. I don’t know when I’ll see you again. Dwelling on this is a futile act. An act that I cant help but undertake daily. Admitting to this doesn’t make it any less foolish. I guess this is my life till you change it for good or worse.

A New Kind Of Love

I consider myself to be a straight male. Even though I have seen a couple of dudes I would consider pretty. More feminine not so much masculine. Ten years ago I found myself looking at some stuff of an adult nature on the Internet, and came across some "Shemale" porn. A new and interesting world was opened to me. The title of this piece is not referring to the porn itself but of a particular girl I came across. Fast forward to a couple of years ago I found a girl who I was attracted to instantly. She is a transgender woman, the proper term for a male who has transitioned into a female. I didn't know I would be so into her. Don't get me wrong I have found some trans-women attractive before but not to this degree. Blonde, tall, great face, great butt, and she is European. Great combination for any type of woman.

I ended up finding her on twitter. I struck up a conversation with her. Things are going smooth. She adds me on facebook. She tells me she thinks I am attractive. I thought that would be the extent of the relationship. Just an online rapport and that’s it. But to my surprise she wanted to meet. I obliged and the date was set. Let me tell you I was nervous as a man could be. We ended up going to Chic-fil-a and then back to her place. I would like to tell you some interesting sex story but that didn’t happen. We ate and watched a movie. I left shortly after the end. We hung out a few more times. Only a couple of those times did I spend the night. Still I didn’t make any moves. She may have been getting frustrated with me. But I have never been with a Trans-woman before. Wasn't sure what to do with the equipment. 

As I got to know her I became more and more infatuated with her. She is a breath of fresh air. Since she isn't from the US she doesn't have the same mentality. She is French. She was very innocent. So much so that some people took her kindness for weakness and took advantage of her. I didn't want to be that type of person in her life. I wanted and did treat her with the respect she deserves. I found myself thinking about her all the time. I have never felt this way about anyone. My nerves got the better of me. We ended up having a conversation about our relationship. She was into me but she stated that since I wasn't showing interest in her that her feelings were starting to fade. Of course we get into all this a week or so before she heads back to France. 

I officially fucked that relationship up. I still have it bad for her. I am afraid that we will only be "just friends". I have to get over that nervous feeling she gives me. Take the first step and win her heart. Maybe one day it will happen. Who knows? I guess only time will tell.

A Walk Among The Tombstones

I joined a website called Meetup.com. One of the groups on the site is for free screenings of movies. This particular move happened to be A Walk Among The Tombstones starring Liam Neeson. I follow the instructions on how to get my ticket for the screening. These events tend to give away more tickets than seats in the theater, so its best to arrive early. I show up to the theater and find my seat.

Liam Neeson is Matt Scudder, a retired former alcoholic cop that becomes a private detective. A former junkie Howie, who had a run in with Matt a while back gets him in touch with his drug trafficking brother Kenny. Kenny's wife was kidnapped and murdered. Matt after hearing how Kenny's wife was tortured takes the case to find out who did it.

Over all I enjoyed the movie. It had good tension and suspense. I also liked the introduction of T.J. as Matt's young associate. They had a good dynamic, and the young actor who played T.J. held his own acting next to Liam. The only thing that bugged me was the end of the movie. There is a scene (spoiler alert) in which one of the bad guys is handcuffed to a radiator but some how manages to free himself. Other than that it was an enjoyable film. I do recommend it.

Red Light Ticket

  So a few months back I ended up running a red light. I currently live in California and wasn't sure of the penalties regarding traffic violations. I moved here from Maryland and had no idea of what to expect. Turns out I was right. My ticket is for 490$ dollars. I thought that number was absurd so I decided to look up what the red light tickets are in Maryland. To my surprise they are only 75$ dollars. Thats insanity. I cant believe how much higher the cost is in this state. My mind is completely blown over this whole thing. I wondered if the rest of the country was as high as Cali. I found out that only a few states actually have red light cameras as part of their traffic laws. Only 21 to be exact. There are 9 that prohibit the use of red light cameras and 20 that have no law for them.

  I really don't have any idea why California's tickets are so high. Where is all the money going? I am sure a bunch of people's pockets are getting fatter off of this. California has one of the highest red light ticket cost in the country. Oregon beats them by 30 bucks. But thats only if you happen to run the light in a school zone. If not its only 260$. I know all the states generally don't hold each other to the same standards but I still don't feel like I need to pay that much money. Its really annoying especially when you are not working. Rent and grocery money going down the toilet. I should hit up the ticket clinic and see if I can get out of this ticket. It is short notice since I have to go to court on Friday. Worth a shot tho.

Here is the link to the site I got the state red light costs from. State Speed and Red LIght Camera Laws

Unemployed

I dont know exactly how long I've been without work. It has been sometime. My money is running out too. I look for work in the field I received my degree in but so are thousands of other people. Its tough waking up not knowing if/when you will work again. My degree happens to be in film as in moviemaking. I can go on a set and do all of the behind the scenes jobs that are there. Like directing, grip, producing etc. Granted there will need to be a bit of training to do the job to the standards of the person hiring me. What's annoying is searching for work and having to sign up for tons of different websites. Some are free and some are not. I use the free ones and a couple of the paid ones but it just pisses me off to have to give money I don't have to these sites. Now I am sure you are thinking that if I sign up for ten different paid sites that one will pay off. But that 10-30$ could get me my next meal or be part of rent. I guess it is one of those damned if you do damned it you don't situations. I am staying positive through this whole situation but I may have to move in with Moms if things don't pick up. Well I'll just have to wake up tomorrow and get back at it again. If nothing comes of this I may have to get a civilian job. Shudder. :/

RIP Paul Walker

     Paul Walker passed away on November 30^th 2013. I didn’t know him personally but like most of his fans, I shared a connection to him. He seemed to be really grounded as a person. Not overcome with all the Hollywood hype that affects most in his position. He was a fan of cars and the racing lifestyle. He was an actor. But he was more than that. He was a philanthropist working to help those less fortunate than himself.  He donated a great deal of money from his own pocket while raising funds for his charity.

     I find it weird to have an emotional connection to a total stranger. But maybe that makes me a good person. I was in my apartment watching Black Snake Moan when I found out about his passing. I didn’t think it was real since celebrity deaths have been faked before, especially on social media. I finished watching my movie and checked my twitter again. The story was confirmed by Paul’s team on his personal twitter.  I felt sadness after reading that tweet on my timeline. Tears swelled in my eyes. I remember him just days ago tweeting about the new Fast and Furious movie. Now he is gone. 

      I decided to go to the site of the car crash that took his life and the life of his friend Rodger Rodas. I got in my car and took the 30 min drive from North Hollywood to Valencia/Santa Clarita. It happened near the Automotive Performance shop Always Evolving. It was a somber scene at the crash site. A little less than 50 people were there when I arrived. More came and went while I was there paying my respects. It sunk in for real at that point, just seeing all the mementos people left there.  Flowers, Candles, pictures, toy cars, dvd’s, and even some bottles of beer.

I cant imagine what his daughter must be going through. My condolences to her and the rest of the Walker family. 

Comikaze Expo

  Friday November 1st I went to the Comikaze Expo. The Comikaze Expo is a nerd fest. If you are a fan of comics, horror, sci-fi, gaming, and cosplay this is the place to be. It started in 2011 to be Los Angeles' answer to San Diego 's Comic-Con. So far it seems to be doing just that. Stan Lee was there the first year. He liked it so much that he put his name on it. Stan Lee's Comikaze Expo became its new moniker. I volunteered in 2011 with plans to do it again the following year. I wasn't able to do it due to work. So third times the charm. In this case it wasn't. I emailed the expo to see if I could do it again this year.  No one replied to my emails so I just went as a spectator.
    I decided to go on Friday because there was a panel on screenwriting I was interested in. The expo is held at the Los Angeles convention center. Which is about 35-40mins from me in North Hollywood. Thats not counting the time I might have to spend in traffic. Since I didn't want to drive I decided on taking the subway there. I walked to the Universal City station and got on the train. It takes about the same time to get there, but without all the hassle of traffic. I got off at my stop and started walking to the convention center. I happen to walk by a Red Mango with one of the employees standing outside handing out samples. I was a bit hungry and decided to purchase on of the smoothies to tide me over.
    When I arrived I had a couple of hours to kill before my panel started. I entered the main hall to have a look around. Lots of vendors to be had. I ended up at the Hot Topic stage to watch AMC movie talk panel. When that ended I made my way to the room where my panel was being held. The only bad part about the panel experience is that I forgot my notebook to take notes. I absorbed what I could during the panel. After it was over I made my way downstairs to the main hall again. I saw my favorite comic artist Marc Silvestri doing sketches and signings. I went to one of the vendors to by a comic that he had drawn to get it signed. After that I caught the Fangasm panel. Fangasm was a show on SyFy about a group of fans of pop culture that are vying for a chance to work for Comikaze.
  All in all I had a great time at the expo. I missed a bunch of cool stuff and people only going one day. I plan on going again next year. Hopefully I can go for more than one day.